I was so stressed out. The day was not going well and I needed out of the house. I needed to move, and quite honestly I needed time alone. So I slipped on pants over a pair of leggings, grabbed a thermal shirt, lugged into the new coat I had to buy because I was too big for the old one, and finally put on my tennis shoes. As I was ransacking my room looking for knitwear to keep me warm, I realized I usually make things for everyone else and that if I was going to do this on a regular basis I would need a hat of my own. So I grabbed Tony's hat, swung a scarf around my neck, and walked out the door.
I had to idea where I was going or how far I was going to walk. I just knew that the anxiety and stress of the last few months were not going to get any better until I started to do something about it. And that meant exercise.
I had tried twice in the last week to go to the gym, but everything seemed to get in the way. My own sorry excuses or bickering kids... it was always something.
It is funny how so often we know exactly what we need to do to make ourselves feel better. It is the same thing with anything in our lives. You want a better marriage? You spend time with your spouse. You want to learn a new skill? Get researching! You want to be have a better faith? Spend more time in prayer. You want to loose weight and fight depression? We know we have to eat better and exercise.
It is so much easier said than done. Our human nature is drawn towards sin. Towards things like gluttony and sloth. Those are my big demons. It is important to understand why we have the demons we do, in order to fight them. Sometimes it is so easy to ignore the reasons, isn't it? And that is when we have to acknowledge that we can do nothing alone. That only through the strength of a higher power can we fight those demons that keep us in the patterns that will destroy us.
So here I am, walking my neighborhood, realizing I have done this before and I will do it again. I did it with a lot of hard work and with a focus on being healthy. I did it with the knowledge that it was what God was calling me to do, not just for myself, but for my family, and for Him.
So I will keep lacing up my black and purple tennies and hit the road. And I will keep doing it again and again.
I have done it before. I will do it again.